30.6.08

Teach Your Kids to Cook Well, Eliminating Excessive Health Care Needs in the Future

We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that has not only attacked the United States, but internationally as well. To keep our children healthy and keep health care costs down, we must examine even the simplest angles to prevent this problem.

33% of boys and 27% of girls are considered overweight according to the American Obesity Association's latest numbers. 15% of children are obese.

It is necessary to educate our children about healthy eating and proper physical fitness before their weight gets out of control. The statistics are readily available through an internet search and they definitely speak for themselves. There is no need to go deeper into them for our purposes.

One of the best ways to start your children on the right path is to cook together. As evident in my college roommates, cooking knowledge is no longer passed down from generation to generation. It seems we have a tendency to rely too heavily on processed foods that are minutes away from the dinner table.

Learning to cook is one of the best things a person can learn. They will be more apt to eat healthier foods while staying away from fast food and microwave dinners. An avid cook tries new foods and learns to get the most out of them.

Cooking with your kids will give them a basic foundation and possibly a passion for the culinary. They will take these skills with them and they will not be afraid of the kitchen.

When they head to college, they will save money by shopping at the grocery store and not spending it on junk hamburgers with a super-sized order of french fries and a gigantic soda. They will know how to battle their way through the kitchen, and who knows, maybe you will have learned something for yourself.

By Robb Ksiazek


Overscheduled Kids

Time devoted the better part of an issue to it. Newsweek featured an article titled "Busy Around the Clock." Articles with titles like "Whatever Happened to Play?" "Pushing Children Too Hard," and "Are You Over-Scheduling Your kids?" show up in print media and on the Internet. Books with titles like Hyper-Parenting: Are Your Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? are appearing on bookshelves.

Child development specialist David Elkind writes: "Parents are under more pressure than ever to overschedule their children and have them engage in organized sports and other activities that may be age-inappropriate." Most agree the practice is today's status symbol among families. In short, a superkid is a child pressured by parents and by society in general to do too much too soon. It's a phenomenon in our society in an escalating trend - with no end in sight. It's a frightening thought.

Writing in the magazine Child Care Information Exchange, Johann Christoph Arnold says: "The pressure to excel is undermining childhood as never before." He also asks: "Why are we so keen to mold [children] into successful adults, instead of treasuring their genuineness and carefree innocence?"

We have the best intentions, of course. We want our children to be happy; we equate happiness with success. And we fervently believe that success won't come unless we give our children a head start - a jump on the competition as it were.

But at what cost will all of this "success" come? If children don't learn to play as children, they aren't likely to discover its value as adults. And, oh, what a dreary, deadening existence daily life will become. Think about the following questions, really pondering each for a moment:

* If children begin living like adults in childhood, what will there be left to look forward to?

* What's to ensure they won't be burned out from all the pushing and pressure before they've even reached puberty?

* If we've caused them to miss the magic of childhood, how will they ever find the magic necessary to cope with the trials and tribulations of adulthood?

* What will become of the childlike nature adults call on when they need reminding of the delight found in simple things - when they need to bring out the playfulness that makes life worth living?

* What joy will our children find as adults if striving to "succeed" becomes life's sole purpose?

Childhood is not a dress rehearsal for adulthood! It is a separate, unique, and very special phase of life. And we're essentially wiping it out of existence in an effort to be sure our children get ahead. But when did we decide that life was one long race? When, exactly, did life become a competition?

Young children are not internally motivated to succeed; their only motivation comes from the value we place on success. And they don't want to let us down. As a result, stress is often a principal factor in the life of a superkid. Of course, into every life a little stress must fall. But when it becomes more than a person is capable of handling, it becomes unhealthy. Studies have shown that the brains of stressed preschoolers now look remarkably like the brains of stressed adults, which have excessive levels of adrenaline and cortisol, the chemicals responsible for the body's fight-or-flight reaction. Young children, who don't have the vocabulary or understanding to express what they're feeling, will often act out as a way of coping.

But there's more than stress involved in pushing children onto the fast track to success before they even understand the concept. For one thing, children aren't allowed to discover motivation on their own - and motivation is often more important to success than talent. Pushed children never have the opportunity to discover who they are. And they never learn to be at ease with themselves when alone, with time on their hands. Having experienced life "by the clock" - and almost constantly surrounded by others - these kids have never learned the joy of solitude, of having only oneself for company. Not only does this mean they're unable to practice self-reflection, but they're also unable to simply be.

Not long ago, in an attempt to help adults realize the folly of all work and no play, a saying began appearing on bumper stickers and in e-mails. It read: "No one ever said on his deathbed, 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office.'" Whether or not the saying had the desired effect remains to be seen, as adults appear as determined as ever to fill up their time with accomplishments. But someone had the right idea, and evidently quite a few people agreed with the sentiment. Isn't it now time to consider the same sentiment as it relates to children? Is there anyone who would say, at the conclusion of childhood, "I wish I'd had less time to play"? Who, after all, wants to look back on life and regret passing up that one and only opportunity to just be a kid?

By Rae Pica


Second Letter to My Daughter

Dear Camille,

As I thumb through the photographs that I carry with me always in my briefcase, it's hard to fathom that the short haired, smiling baby holding a crawfish and wiggling its claws has turned into the beautiful goldilocks girl that demands the stage and wants so much to sing.

I feel like such a cliché-all those veteran parents telling us how quickly you would grow up, how it would be over before we know it, how we had best pay attention before it all ended.

They were right.

I can't believe you turned three.

I can't believe the seasons change so fast, the questions change so fast, though the answers seem so much alike.

I sit on airplanes and think of you often, what kind of stewardship do we offer, who truly teaches who, the empty feeling that hovers around me like a morning mist when we spend too much time apart.

I ponder the choices, the justifications, the selfishness that allows laziness to creep in, the myriad moments of ire that warrant only tenderness, the loss of control over small matters of tedium, the fragile balance between patience, guidance and the human condition that reveals its shadowy self in petty outbursts, orders and even shouting matches-the release valve that leaves ashes of hurt with little resolve.

What is my job?

Outside of protection from physical harm, I bob on this sea of life like a tiny cork in a hurricane, reaching within, seeking, trying to embrace and express, wondering how I might ever qualify to tell you or anyone how to live.

In the end, the old adage that the more we know the more we realize we don't know takes hold, anchors me to a journey of discovery and serves as a reminder that my conundrum evaporates if I focus on love, my role to baste you in it, wrap you up in a love cloud and cover you with a love blanket, that you may grow in love and let the other lessons flow to you and through you at your own pace.

This I can do, shrug off the coat of inadequacy and give you another hug, another kiss, another kind word, another minute when minutes run short, another chance, another smile, another deep breath to choke down the critic or the tyrant or the fictional pundit that so quickly jumps to judgment and wants to intervene.

No, father doesn't know best.

Father struggles to understand.

Father wrestles with his most important job.

Father tries so hard to heed his own counsel, to listen-both to the words and the unspoken, the undercurrents, the needs, the emotions that rage, then play, then rage, then rest, then come back to rage again.

Father cares-though the jumbled blend of empowerment, co-dependency, heart, guilt, duty, honor, passion and profound, profound affection sometimes do more to confuse than enlighten.

I guess we all tread the path, rain or shine, winter and summer, paved flat and mountainous, rocky trails.

Father loves.

Father loves you, with all my might, a job I relish.

As long as the ticker ticks, it will always tick for you.

Dada

That's A View From The Ridge?

By Ridgely


Protect your Kids Early with Safety Glasses

What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There are several reasons glasses will be rated as safe. They must not only cover the front of the eyes but also the top and sides as well so small particles can't enter the eye. You can find inexpensive shields from a home improvement store that will also go over your regular eyeglasses. These types of glasses fog easily making them difficult to see out of. Safety glasses with polycarbonate lenses are very protective and more comfortable if professionally fitted. There is an industry ANSI standard that must be adhered to if glasses and frames can be rated as safety. They need to be sturdy and survive a test where a ball is dropped on the lens. Whatever job you have where safety glasses are required, you will know if you need high impact or basic impact lenses.

Bits of wood or metal can easily fly into the eye. Chemicals emit gases or can splash into the eye creating serious problems. You should have water accessible if you work with chemicals as flushing them quickly helps alleviate some of the damage done by the chemicals. Special face shields may be what you need to prevent this from happening. If you have a prescription lens, some companies require prescription safety glasses also. Your eye doctor can find these for you. If you require a prescription lens and need safety glasses but you can't see because of the safety glasses requirement, you will be less efficient at work and less safe. If laser pointers are something you use in your job, know that staring into one for a short period of time may cause temporary blindness. Flying cork bottles can rupture an eyeball and fireworks have also been known to damage the eyes of children and adults.

There are many styles on the market for sports enthusiasts and this is one of the fastest growing industries in the field of safety glasses. Shooting glasses should feature side temple guards as well as high impact lenses. The frames will feature a sweat bar across the top and smooth rounded edges so sharp corners don't dig into the face. Many shooters like colored lenses because they block glare and haze. Protective goggles and masks are good for the swimmer or scuba diver, and snow skiers need total goggles for protection from wind, snow and ice. If you thought you looked funny when you wore protective eyewear while playing handball or other fast action sport, consider the thought of what it would feel like to be blind and not being able to see much of anything from a sports injury. Make sure the fit is proper so they actually perform the function they are meant to do. The loose fitting safety glasses will fall off easily or if they are uncomfortable you won't wear them. Parents are concerned about helmets for their children for many sports; just don't forget about your children wearing safety glasses as well. Check the fit every year as they won't fit as the child grows. Start them early thinking about caring for their eyes and they will be safer and think about it more as they grow into adults.

By Beverly Marshall


Top 25 Children Quotations

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
-- Franklin P. Adams

"A child reminds us that playtime is an essential part of our daily routine."
-- Anonymous

"Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own."
-- Aristotle

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."
--James Baldwin

"The best inheritance a person can give to his children is a few minutes of his time each day "
--O. A. Battista

"Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home."
-- Bill Cosby

"There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it."
-- Monta Crane

"The children despise their parents until the age of 40, when they suddenly become just like them - thus preserving the system."
-- Quentin Crewe

"Your children will see what you're all about by what you live rather than what you say."
-- Wayne Dyer

"The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives."
-- Albert Einstein

"We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Teach your child to hold his tongue; he'll learn fast enough to speak."
-- Benjamin Franklin

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
-- Theodore M. Hesburgh

"I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation Where they will not be judged by the color of their skin But by the content of their character."
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy."
-- Sam Levenson

"Children need love, especially when they don't deserve it."
-- Harold Hulbert

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters."
-- Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis

"Children are living jewels dropped unsustained from heaven."
-- Robert Pollok

"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what's been taught them."
-- Jonas Salk

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."
-- Angela Schwindt

"I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere."
--James Thurber

"Child rearing myth #1: Labor ends when the baby is born."
-- Unknown

"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."
--Unknown

"Children are the sum of what mothers contribute to their lives. "
--Unknown

"When you put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world."
-- Zig Ziglar

By Danielle Hollister


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Childhood Obesity

Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die in this country of too much food than of too little. It's an appalling notion - but an accurate one. As of 1999 more than 60 percent of American adults were overweight or obese - and obesity among children was increasing faster than among adults. In 2000, 22 percent of U.S. preschoolers were overweight and 10 percent clinically obese.

Nevertheless, there are many who consider obesity an individual responsibility. Writing in the Los Angeles Times in December 2001, Brian Doherty ridiculed former surgeon general David Satcher's "fat war." He called on taxpayer-funded agencies to think twice about spending Americans' money to lecture us on what he considers a matter of private health. He believes obesity is a condition "caused by freely chosen behavior" and maintains people can simply cure themselves of obesity by eating less and exercising more.

Fair enough. Everyone's entitled to an opinion. But you have to wonder if Mr. Doherty has done any research on this issue - or if he's simply speaking as someone who personally has a handle on his own "love handles." If it's the latter, he's to be congratulated for his self-discipline - but rebuked for not digging a little deeper as a journalist. After all, if the majority of people in this country have a weight problem, we need to look into the reasons why. If there are now nearly twice as many overweight children and almost three times as many overweight adolescents as there were in 1980 - and it previously took 30 years for the number of overweight American children to double - we have to admit that something, somewhere, is very wrong.

Certainly, we all wish the problem would just disappear - that it wouldn't be our problem at all. Who at one time or another hasn't wished for a simple solution to the predicaments that plague us? In this case, if everyone just took personal responsibility for her or his own weight gain, we wouldn't have to spend $100 billion dealing with obesity. And there's no doubt that personal responsibility is a good thing. But David Satcher tells us this is "the most overweight, obese generation of children in our history." Exactly whose responsibility is that? Let's think about it.

Without even taking into consideration the $100,000 paid to schools by soft drink companies to fill our children's bodies with empty calories, there's still the issue of recess and physical education disappearing from the schools. Who's making the decisions to eliminate all physical activity from the school day (where children spend most of their waking hours) despite mounting evidence that children need to move - for the health of both their bodies and their minds? Not the children. Given a choice, they'd happily choose to mix some movement into the day.

There's also the matter of loading children's days with activities that preclude "exercising more." Given a choice - and the opportunity - children might well opt to spend more of their time running, jumping, and breathing hard. But they're not being allowed to "choose freely." Rather, the adults are choosing for them - the very adults who are supposed to know what's best for them and who have been entrusted with their care and protection.

Are the children responsible for the fact that 32 percent of two- to seven-year-olds - and 65 percent of eight- to eighteen-year-olds - have TVs in their bedrooms? Is it their fault they're not born with self-limiting mechanisms - and that too often parents have forgotten how to say no? If young children were able to set their own limits with regard to television viewing and computer and video use, they'd need parents only to provide food, clothing, and shelter.

The problem is, once a child is obese because of these adult-made decisions, the odds are pretty much stacked against him. Not only are behavior patterns, like eating and physical activity habits, established in childhood (educational psychologist Benjamin Bloom contended that 90 percent of an individual's habits and traits are set by age twelve), but long-term studies have also shown that excess body fat tends to persist throughout childhood and into adulthood.

And it's no wonder. Not only will "supersized" servings confront her at every turn, but also physical activity will become an even smaller part of the overweight child's life as she gets older. This is true of children in general but is even more probable for the overweight child.

Many of us have nightmarish recollections of trying to climb the rope, or being forced to run laps until overcome with nausea, during "gym class." Surely any kind of physical activity would feel equally nightmarish to an overweight child. Even if they're inclined to move, overweight children are often physically incompetent. According to an article at the website of the International Play Equipment Manufacturers Association (IPEMA), during one study approximately 120 children ages three to ten were observed traversing an overhead ladder. The only children unable to cross the ladder successfully were obese. In another study it was determined that even children's walking patterns were affected by overweight, with obese children walking slower, asymmetrically, flat-footed, and with toes turned out. Over time these poor walking habits can result in structural deformities and damage to body tissue. And, of course, if even walking is a challenge, anything beyond that could be perceived as overwhelming.

Is it any surprise, then, that 40 percent of obese children and 70 percent of obese adolescents become obese adults? Indeed, by the time obese children are six years old, their chances of becoming obese adults are over 50 percent. It's a vicious-circle kind of problem. Lack of physical activity is a primary cause of excessive fat accumulation in children. Then, once overweight, children have a tendency to become even less physically active - a tendency that only increases in adolescence.

Sure, Richard Simmons started out as a "fat kid" and managed to overcome the odds, but he's devoted his entire life to it! Not many individuals are likely to hand over the better part of their lives to rid themselves of excessive fat accumulation acquired before they were even old enough to understand the problem.

But something must be done to ensure physical activity is a part of every child's life. Said Dr. Samuel Abate, at a childhood obesity conference sponsored by the North Dakota Department of Health: "The consequences of denying the body exercise are just as severe as depriving it of food, water, or oxygen; it just takes longer to see the consequences."

By Rae Pica


Keep the Little Ones Safe, Follow Pool Safety Guidelines

Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent out there. If you are lucky enough to own an above ground pool or inground pool, you know there are certain safety precautions you must take to protect your children and the children of your friends and neighbors. According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, 300 children under age 5 die and 2000 more children under age 5 visit hospital emergency rooms for submersion injuries every year. That's staggering. Some of the Sun Belt states list drowning as the leading cause of accidental death in the home of children under 5. These accidents usually occur in pools that are owned by their own family. These accidents happen quickly and a child can drowned in the time it takes to answer the phone. Usually the child that is in trouble is silent as there is no splashing around alerting anyone that they are in trouble. Medical costs are staggering and if the severely injured sustain brain damage, the expenses are even higher. Because of the dangers of a pool in your backyard, most cities require specific guidelines be followed for safety. As a homeowner and pool owner there are things you can do to prevent these accidents.

Barriers such as a fences or walls should be installed as a layer of protection to the child. When it comes to fences, use the rule of "4". This fence needs to be at least four feet tall with no foot steps or hand rails available for the child to grab onto or climb up on. Fence slats should be no less than four inches apart so the child can't squeeze through. Fence latches should be self closing and self latching. Make sure the latch is at a height where the child cannot reach over and unlatch the door. As long as the door latches automatically and closes properly, this is the safest thing you can do for your child. It is sort of the first line of defense against the pool. You can install door alarms for the house so you know when a little one is going outside. You can have an alarm that can temporarily be turned off by an adult. The pool can have a safety cover so no one can fall in. If you own a hot tub or spa you should follow the same barrier guideline as for the pool. Steps and ladders leading from a pool should be locked or removed so little ones aren't tempted to go near the water.

As a parent, you have rules for your children in most things such don't cross the street before you look both ways, and not opening the door to strangers. It should be no different when it comes to pool safety. Rules for your children and the babysitters that take care of them are crucial. Sitters need to understand that there is never a time when the child can be alone around the water even for a second. It would also be a good idea if they were trained in CPR. Don't forget about the drowning time for a child is the time it takes to answer that phone that is ringing inside. If you are having a pool party, there should be a designated watcher for the children at all times. Someone is always on guard. If a child is missing, always check the pool first, top and bottom. Even if your older children know how to swim, they are never drowned proof. They must all be watched closely. Rescue equipment should be always close to the pool and toys should be away from the pool when they are not in use. Pools are fun and like anything else in life can be dangerous if not used correctly. Take the time to properly educate your children about the rules and regulations regarding the pool and you will have a safer children and neighborhood.

By Beverly Hlavka


How to Put Your Kids (Or Grandkids) On the Fast Track to Success

Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for the past 12 years I have noticed that there are just a few primary struggles that most adults face. I also see how better training as a child and teen could have given them the skills and attitudes that would have prevented the problems that they now face.

The primary areas adults struggle with are

1. Money, primarily debt

2. Lack of disciple, or the inability to do what they want to do, be it weight, money, work etc.

3. Relationships

As I see it, much of the way we live our lives is groomed as we grow up. And while we can certainly change, it is harder to do the older we get. This can cut both ways: If we are taught correctly we have a high chance of succeeding as adults and if we are taught poorly, there is a high chance that we will continue those poor habits into adulthood and face many difficulties. The good news? We can put our kids on the fast track to success by diligently applying some basic success skills. To get you started, I've brainstormed some ways you can head off your children's problems years before they face them. Here we go!

To have successful relationships:

Show them unconditional love. No matter what, we are to welcome and love our children. This does not mean that we won't get mad at them from time to time or that we won't discipline them when they cross the line. It means that we will always accept them and treat them with the respect they deserve as human beings, no matter what they have done. It means we do not hold grudges against them. We can disagree or even verbally tangle, but then we bury the hatchet and accept one another.

Teach them manners. There are acceptable ways of behaving. Unfortunately, many people today do not know them! Teach your children how to behave so that others are treated well and do not have to put up with our misbehavior. Why? Because they won't put up with it anyway. Many people will simply write you off and never tell you why.

Help them learn to forgive. Most of the relationship problems I work with boil down to this: The people simply will not forgive one another and continue to hold past wrongs against the other person. Here is the fact, and you have to teach this to your kids: People will wrong you. It is what we do with that and how we react that will determine the health of the relationship in the future.

Help them to be able to focus on and serve others. Many parents make their kid feel like they are the center of the universe. One problem with this: They aren't! The world doesn't revolve around your kids and they can't get their way all of the time. What happens later on in life when little Johnny (who was the center of the universe growing up) marries little Suzie (The center of another universe growing up)? You got it, problems! Now they have to share a universe! Instead we should teach our children to help others. We should teach them to consider other people's interests as more important than our own.

To have successful finances:

Make them EARN money. Sure you can give your kids money - we do. But we should also teach them to earn money. We should give them opportunity to earn money. I don't think a kid should get an allowance for doing chores. Chores are the responsibility of being part of the family. But you can give them extra jobs so they can understand fully the hard work they put in and appreciate the value of the money they receive. This will cause them to handle it better.

Have them give money away. Greed works its wonders on some of the nicest people. That is what I have found. And the best way to break greed is to give money away. Our children give away 10% of every dollar they get. This builds generosity into their hearts. We have been doing it so long that it is just a part of them. How can you be greedy about something you are giving away? And when you give it away you can see the good that it does to the people and organizations you help. (One side story: When my son was younger and got one dollar a week in allowance he would give a dime away. He suggested it would be a good thing if he started getting two dollars - because then he would be able to give two dimes away. I don't know if he was being generous or shrewd!)

Teach them about investing. Yesterday I sat in the car explaining the law of supply and demand with my ten year old. Now he knows what something is "worth." Now he knows why Beanie Babies are so expensive but a very efficient way of separating poor investors from their money. My kids hear about the old guns and butter theory (Guns represent items that appreciate and butter represents the things that melt away. Invest in appreciating assets and you can have all the butter you want later on. Invest in butter and you won't ever have the guns.) These are basic principles that will allow your kids to be financially secure and not strapped later on. They will be the lender and not the borrower.

Teach them to delay self-gratification. I touched on this in the last point. If we teach our kids to delay gratification, they can put themselves into a financial position wherein they can actually afford the item they want rather than put themselves into debt or a precarious position to get it. Besides, half the time when they wait, they don't want it in three weeks!

Teach them to never have any debt! No debt. Never. Period. Nada. Never, ever, ever. Pay cash or wait. Okay, did I get that through? Now let me be a little more temperate. Debt has created more problems I have dealt with than just about any other issue. Marriage problems, emotional problems, work problems, spiritual problems, and physical problems. We should engrain it into our kid's heads that the only acceptable debt is a home mortgage and they should be conservative with that and even pay cash if they can! I hear you, "But I can't get the car I want!" Too bad! See the guns and butter theory above! Your kids will visit your grave every week with flowers after you are gone if you love them and teach them to avoid debt.

To help them be successful in discipline:

Have them do certain tasks/chores on a regularly scheduled basis. Discipline is, well, a discipline. Teach your kids to make their beds every morning. Or do wash every Monday. Or mow the lawn every Saturday morning. Building schedules builds disciplined people who do not procrastinate, who are methodical and who are diligent. These are the people who succeed.

Let them experience discipline and consequences. Consequences are the greatest teachers! Many people who I see fail are people who have never suffered consequences. I know a gentleman who couldn't hold a job. His employers were going to fire him. He was always late and couldn't be relied upon - even by his friends. You never knew if he was telling the truth. One day I was talking to him and he said that he had never been punished or disciplined! The light went on! I finally understood. You know the old saying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child?" I say, spare the rod and you'll raise a criminal! You may not want to let little Johnny experience the pain of consequences, but his boss will let him feel it 20 years from now! Prepare him for success now by making him realize that if he doesn't do what is right, he will spend a lot of time in his room or he will miss out special things. He will grow up to be the most relied upon person in his office and he'll be the boss one day.

Don't protect them from losing. I coached little league football one year. It just so happens we were the youngest team in the league and we were terrible. One game we were getting beat 55-0 with about five minutes to play and I was getting screamed at by an irate parent. I turned to them and said, "You know. I learned some of my best lessons in 55-0 losses. I took a few of them in my athletic career, and I handed a few out too!" Sometimes we win in life, sometimes we lose. We need to learn what it feels like to lose and then get right back out there. It will prepare your kids much better to lose until they win legitimately than to win all the time. I remember one basketball game when I was on my way to about thirty points and a parent from the other team was screaming about it. My brother, who is 13 years older than me told the guy to sit down because I had earned all those point because of how many basketball thrashings I had taken at his hands through the years. Losing made me better!

Teach them to eat right and exercise. Many people struggle with their weight and it is usually because we learned bad habits as kids. We weren't that overweight when we were younger but as our metabolism slows it catches up with us. Teach your kids basic nutritional information. Teach them how Candy bars plus milk shakes plus no exercise equals trouble! When we go to the health club our kids can swim and play all they want in the pool - as soon as they finish their laps!

Teach them to make tough decisions and learn to say "no." The most powerful word in the world! We should teach our children to understand what is the most important - their priorities - and say "no" to everything else. So many people get themselves into trouble and overextended because they do not have the discipline to say "no." The reality is that you will act on an agenda - either yours or someone else's. Saying "no" enables you to stay on track. Teach them to make tough decisions because it is what is right or because it will be better in the long run, rather than on how it will make them feel.

Encourage them to risk failure and try new things. I have met so many people who were always taught to play it safe. And guess what? They are playing it safe, leading, as the quote says, "Lives of quiet desperation." Teach your kids to try new things and give them the opportunity to do so. Help them see the bigger picture when they fail, like what they can learn from the situation so they can win the next time. It is the people who risk failure and try new things who change the world and lead the lives they want to!

Pitch the TV. Okay, my soapbox: Get rid of the television. If you have to have the one-eyed monster in the house just get a monitor so you can watch videos from time to time. I haven't had a TV for 12 years - and I LOVE IT! My kids are healthy, sociable, well-adjusted, smart kids. They have creative imaginations because they have to picture everything themselves rather than rely on someone else's interpretation. They read many grade levels above where they are. They have time to do all sorts of things that they want to because they have an extra 20 hours a week (1040 hours a year) that other kids their age don't! Someday I am going to write a book on benefits and reasons to get rid of the TV because the fact is you will be much better off without it than you are with it! And so will your kids!


By Chris Widener


The Seven Keys of Being a Father

Is there a fathering instinct?

Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson maintains that adults have a fierce desire to protect and nurture the next generation. This is the generative nature of parenting- to nurture and protect the next generation

We recognise this desire in women as the maternal instinct. Men's strong desire to look after the next generation is best recognised through their protective instincts. Man as hunter and gatherer has always had the survival of his family and community as a motivating force.

But the generative notion of fathering extends way beyond protection of children. Generative fathering means that men help the next generation not just to survive, but to thrive and grow. It is in the wellbeing of the next generation that traditionally men have left their mark.

This generative or instinctive notion of fathering has been lost in recent years as men have spent less time around their children. Fathers may be born to the task of raising children but they need to be around children so they can nudge fathering out them.

Too often fathers see themselves as playing a role, when the essence of fathering is actually embedded in their own psyche and linked to their child's development. According to Erikson there are seven tasks that a father carries out to ensure the well-being of the next generation. It is a brilliant framework that helps men move away from playing roles and gets them to focus on the needs of their children. The seven tasks of fathering, also known as fatherwork, are:

1. Ethical work: Men commit to acting in a child's best interests. Research shows that when men make a strong commitment to look after the well-being of their baby then they will sustain long-term involvement and support for their child. Ethical work is shown when men make decisions about work and careers with their children's best interests in mind.

2. Stewardship work: This aspect of fathering involves men providing for children and also helping them develop the resources and independence to look after themselves. In many ways this shows itself when dads take on a teaching role, which tend to do when they spend time with kids. Listen to a man when he interacts with his son and inevitably he will be showing him how to do something, even if it is how to kick a football.

3. Developmental work: This aspect of fathering refers to the notion of helping children deal with either sudden change, such as a death in the family, or normal developmental changes, such as moving into adolescence. Dads who do this work well support their children though difficulties and respond with understanding to changes in children's development.

4. Recreational work: This aspect refers to men's promotion of relaxation and learning for their children through play. This aspect of fathering tends to be a strong point for many dads, who are the kings of play. It is well-recognised that men play differently with children than mothers, which is fixed in the biological matrix. Men's domain is rough play, sometimes destructive play and often involves a challenge whether intellectual (e.g chess) or physical.

5. Spiritual work: This aspect of fathering involves men helping children develop values and a set of beliefs that will act as a compass as they move through adolescence and beyond. This involves counselling, teaching and advising. Many readers may remember their own fathers delivering stern lectures, which comes from this aspect of fathering. Good intentions, but poor delivery.

6. Relationship work: This aspect of fathering involves men helping children and young people form relationships and friendships. We do this by sharing our love and thoughts, by displaying empathy and understanding for a child and also by facilitating a child's relationships with others. In recent times men have stayed out of this area but it is a part of fatherwork.

7. Mentoring: We complete the cycle by ensuring that we support our own children in their own generative work. This involves giving help, support and ideas for our own children when they move into adulthood. In recent years men have fallen down badly in this area as too many men have shallow relationships with their own fathers.

This framework for fathering has depth and breadth. It works on an instinctive level, but many influences come to bear to prevent this instinct and intuition from informing our action. Often it is useful to ask yourself - "What does this situation with my child require of me?" If a child is having friendship issues at school then relationship work is needed. If a child is feeling stressed and needs to relax then it is time for recreational work. If a child gets worked up through play then it is important to do some stewardship work and ensure a child calms down and regains control before bed. If a child is changing schools then it time for some developmental work, to help him or her cope with change.

If you are a father (mothers can do the same thing), reflect on some of the interactions that you have with children, and determine in which area of fatherwork do they fit. You will find that there is an area for each situation. As you respond to children's needs think about the type of fatherwork you are doing. You will soon discover that you are involved in a variety of very important work. And it will change the way you think about fathering and provide a strong guide to how you should respond to children's future needs.

By Michael Grose


Ultimate Airplane Themed Games & Activities for your Childs Birthday Party

Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games and Activities? Well stop looking because they are right here...

Good Luck and happy reading...

"Paper Airplane Contest" Have each child make a paper airplane. Depending on the age of the children, you can either have them create their own, follow a pattern or make them ahead of time. Have various contests, such as, longest flight, highest flight, furthest from a target, best crash, most flips, largest flip, etc. Provide enough categories to allow each child to win a prize.

"Pin the Pilot on the Plane" Draw or copy a picture of a plane on a large piece of paper. Draw an outline where the pilot should be sitting. Make a different pilot for each child and either put a number or name on the pilot to identify the child. You can also cut out a picture of your child and paste him on the pilot's head. Using double face tape, blindfold one guest at a time, spin them around and have them try to place the pilot in the correct location. The child closest is the winner.

"Airplane Search" Fill a large container (swimming pool, sandbox, large bowl, etc work best) with packing peanuts. Put enough die cast airplanes in the container so each child finds one. One at a time, have the children find an airplane. You can time them and see who finds the airplane the fastest. This airplane can go home with them in their goody bag.

"Jet Race" To play this wonderful game, mark a target on the ground a short distance away or make a finish line on the floor with tape. Make a starting line and blow up a balloon for each child. For added effects, place airplane stickers on the balloons. To begin, count down from three. When you say go, each child tries to land his or her "jet" inside the target, or cross the finish line, by tossing or hitting it.

"Musical Planes" Here is one of the children's favorite games. To setup, you need enough airplane cutouts for every child minus one. Check out our Airplane pictures and clipart for some ideas. Place them in a circle so the children have enough room to walk around them. Place the children on the outside of the airplanes and make sure they aren't stepping on them yet. When the music starts, the children will walk around the airplanes. As soon as the music stops, the children have to sit on one of the airplanes. Whoever isn't sitting on an airplane is out. Remove one airplane and continue the game until one child remains.

"Obstacle Course" This game is best played outside in a large open area. Create a runway using masking tape, chalk, cones, etc to mark the boundaries. It should be around 50 feet long and 10 feet wide to allow enough room for the children to maneuver their planes. Get some non-breakable items, such as, bouncy balls, sports balls, tin cans, clothing, toys, blankets, etc. These items are going to represent other planes on the runway.

Next, pair up the children. One child will need to be the pilot and the other will be the air traffic controller. The air traffic controller's job is to guide the pilot (blindfolded) down the runway without running into any other plane (non-breakable items).

How to play: the first pilot stands at the end of the runway with their arms stretched out like a plane. The air traffic controller can stand anywhere along the runway, but the best position is behind the pilot. This will eliminate any confusion when they are using the commands left and right.

Once the pilot is blindfolded, all the other children can throw more objects on the runway to make the challenge even more difficult. After the children have added the extra planes, the controller guides the pilot down the runway using commands like, "Take two steps forward", "One step left", "Two large steps to the left".

If the child crashed, the next team will get to take a turn. Award the team who made it the farthest on the runway, without crashing, a prize.

"Sleep/Stand!" This a great modified game of the old time favorite, Simon Says. Have the children line up and face you, or whoever the caller is. There are only two sayings the children have to listen for: I say sleep or I say stand. When you say, "I say sleep" the children must lie down and pretend to sleep or when you say, "I say stand" the children must stand up. If you say a command without, "I say" and the children do it, then they are out. As the game progresses, say the commands faster. The children will be going up and down so fast they won't even hear the "I say" part. It's a great game and packed full of laughs!

"Where's the Cake?" Children always love to go on a mission to find "something" and this game will definitely be a treat for them. This game is going to require help from friends and be under a lot of adult supervision. Separate the children into two teams and give each team a set of clues and party favors to find. Give each child a bag to put the favors in and make sure that each guest has at least one favor. The clues and favors should lead the children to the cake. Whichever team finds the cake first gets to be served first!

"Airport Field Trip" How cool would this activity be? Do you live near a small municipal airport? A lot of airports will allow you to bring a group of children for a tour of the facility. Give them a call and see if you can plan one during some airplane take-offs and landings. The kids will love this experience and they'll talk about for months!

"Storytime/Videotime" Do you need an activity towards the end of the party which might "calm" the children down? Well, how about a great airplane story or movie? Jay Jay and Friends have a lot of books and movies out and children just love them. Get one and plan it towards the end of the party. This will also give you a chance to do a little cleanup before the parents arrive to pick up their children.

By Geoff Schurman


16.6.08

Back to School Feng Shui

Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the malls in search of the perfect sneaker or the cool new outfit for the coming school year. However, it's unlikely that the new shoe or shirt will benefit them as much as a new design in the bedroom. That's because a bedroom makeover will create new interest and energy - what feng shui calls "chi" - in the bedroom that will benefit a child.

According to feng shui, the Chinese technique for design and arrangement, rooms that have good energy, or "chi", create happier, well-adjusted children. Feng shui theories suggest that for a child's room to have good "chi," the room must follow certain guidelines such as that they must be restful, promote good relationships others and generate good self-esteem. Perhaps most importantly, harmonious children's bedrooms encourage good study habits and promote greater success in school.

What does it take to promote greater success in school? According to feng shui, the following seven tips are key to creating rooms that inspire kids to study.

1. The room has a desk.
It sounds obvious, but many kids' only workspace is either a bed, the bedroom floor, or the family dining table. Every child needs a suitable study area in the bedroom that includes a desk, chair, and a lamp. Children with study areas are more likely to study. Better still, having a study area keeps all the school books and papers confined to the child's room. Feng shui also believes it's best for children to study facing the northeast, the direction of wisdom and learning.

2. Ground your kids.
Buy your kids a globe to promote interest in geography and to help "ground" them and encourage them to study. Add a globe in the Northeast corner of the bedroom, if possible.

3. Create an achievement corner.
Every child needs to have recognition for a job well done. A perfect way to gain this is to create an achievement corner on the South wall of the bedroom. According to feng shui, this is the recognition area and is a good place to pin up awards, papers with good grades, letters of recommendation, ribbons or trophies.

4. Hang a crystal in the Northeast corner of the room.
Crystals are used to make computer chips faster. Hang a crystal in the study location to create more "study" chi and to help sharpen the child's ability to "process" or think!

5. Put your child in the command position.
Avoid having children face a wall when studying because this represents an obstacle. They should be able to see the door when someone enters.

6. Display maps and other educational artwork.
Maps are another way to ground educational pursuits. They encourage "worldly" interest and curiosity and they make suitable images for a child's room. Avoid scary creatures, pictures depicting violence, or sad or dark subjects.

7. Eliminate TV from the bedroom.
Sadly many of today's children have TVs in their bedrooms. This is a feng shui no-no because it can make children much less likely to study and rest fully. If your child doesn't study as much as you would like and has a TV in the bedroom, ask yourself what is more important: television or school?

8. Shells and fish are symbols of education.
Conch shells and koi or goldfish are excellent symbols of educational success. Place the conch shell in the Northeast corner of the bedroom. Or, hang a picture of koi or goldfish in the Northeast corner. It is not recommended to keep live fish in the bedroom as water in the bedroom is associated with loss.


By Kathryn Weber


Nail Biting Basics

Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic behavior beset by peculiarity and contradiction. Technically speaking, the correct word for nail biting is ANONYCHOPHAGIA.

Nail biting typically begins between the ages of five and 10 and is common among children as well as adults. As many as one in three Americans bite their nails.

One of the more noteworthy and generally surprising things about nail biting is its high instance. It crosses every social and economic barrier. Prevalence figures for children are much higher than for adults.

Results of nail biting can result in short, ragged nails. It may also lead to damaged cuticles as well as bleeding around the edges of the nails. Infections can also develop if nails are not properly attended to.

Most relevant studies have found that nail biting tends to peak out around puberty.

A study by Malon and Massmer studied the behavior in the Chicago school systems and reported that nail biting is prevalent in about 60 percent of children age eight to eleven.

Most people agree it is a learned habit, perhaps picked up by watching a parent or someone else biting their nails.

Nail biting is an extremely tough habit to break and treatment for it varies.

One possible solution is identifying the reason for nail biting. Avoidance or modification of these situations can be beneficial to the eventual elimination of the habit.

Improving self-esteem is also helpful when attempting to break the habit.

Products such as CONTROL-IT are available on the market and are designed to aid nail biters in breaking their habit. According to www.stopbitingnails.com , CONTROL-IT is a gentle and natural alternative to help prevent biting. A mild unpleasant taste helps to remind users to stop biting their nails.

A host of research efforts both in America and Europe sought to ascertain if in fact nail biting was linked to mental illness in one form or another. Most people would have anticipated they found a high prevalence of nail biting among the mentally disordered; however, they found that nail biting, in and of itself, is not systematic of any form of mental disorder or maladjustment.

Nail biting crosses all national borders, genders, and both social and economic lines and may also originate from a primal need for self-grooming. It affects both the nails and the cuticles; with greater potential harm caused via infection to the cuticle and nail biting tends to be a private affair, and is a relatively isolated form of self-indulgence.

Nail biting may be treated addressing symptom rather than cause; it is a habit, not a disease.

Owner: Christopher Joel Henry; born: December 18, 1958; birthplace: California

Married: Mrs. Trudy Henry

By Mr. Henry


Help Your Child Do Better in School

1. Create a personal schedule
Recording everything that must be done on a calendar or "to do" list will help him to keep track of important dates and deadlines. If he keeps it in a visible place he will have no problem acknowledging upcoming events and will be better able to plan how and where to spend his time.

A "to do" list would also help him to prioritize his tasks. When it comes to homework, whatever is most important should be tackled first.

2. Watch the clock
Setting an alarm for the morning is a must. I also recommend setting his clock or watch five minutes ahead since it's always easy to run late. When it comes to something like catching a bus, just five minutes can make a significant difference.

3. Focus
He should train himself to be able to concentrate solely on one specific task. This is much easier in a noise-free environment. No T.V or radio should be on to distract him.

4. Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep is proven to take a toll on us physically. The more sleep we get, the more alert we are. We thus have more energy to handle life's daily tasks. The average adult needs at least six hours of sleep a night and the average child needs at least eight.

5. Stay in shape
Through spending time outdoors or playing sports with friends, he can "blow off some steam" so to speak, as well as re-energize. Encourage him to get outside.

6. Talk through your problems
Being able to share his concerns with you will alleviate the frustration of keeping things bottled up. Sharing feelings often makes them easier to deal with. If you make it clear that you understand him and are willing to help, not only will you contribute to his emotional health but you'll help build an open and honest relationship as well.

By Denni Gill


Break Free From Power Struggles

You want your daughter to wear a dress to the party. She wants to wear jeans. You want your toddler to take his medicine. He does everything he can to keep that yucky stuff out of his mouth. The more you insist, the more they resist. You can break free from power struggles and turn turbulence into positive growth opportunities by putting a few helpful tips in place:

* Step back and view the big picture. How do you respond when your kids challenge your authority? If you view your kids as "willful," or "bad," consider this: it is developmentally appropriate for kids to test their boundaries. As children grow they have a natural desire to make their own decisions and do things for themselves. They want to separate from their parents and function under their own power. Instead of viewing this as threatening, view it as a necessary part of growing up.

By taking on a big picture view, your emotions won't overpower your judgement when dealing with power hungry kids. When you exert your will through force and intimidation, one of two negative side effects occurs: either your children give in and lose motivation to make decisions for themselves, or they rebel, fighting back against you. When children push for power, remind yourself that a positive response from you can set a course for cooperation and empowerment.

* Break negative patterns. Power struggles follow a pattern like the steps of a dance. They do "this," you do "that." Change the pattern and you change the course of your relationship. Anne has a pattern of engaging Mom in power struggles over her curfew. Anne tells mom, "I'm staying out late." Mom says, "No you aren't." Anne protests. Mom yells. Anne glares. Mom punishes. Anne seeks revenge with rebellious behavior. It's always the same pattern. Once Mom recognized the pattern, she made a conscious decision to change it. The next time Anne said she wanted to stay out late, Mom had a new response. She said, "You really want to stay out late tonight don't you dear?" Anne started to protest out of habit, then looked at Mom in shock. "Yes," Anne said, "I want to stay at Kims house until 11 p.m.." Mom listened to Anne's feelings assuring her that when she got older, she could stay out later.

* Allow kids to make some choices. Lots of parents report success at sidestepping the initial power struggle. Then, they slip back into yelling out orders which sets the pattern back in motion. This can be avoided by giving kids choices that allow both your needs to be met. Judy doesn't want to wash her sticky fingers. Instead of fighting with her, Dad gives Judy a choice, "Do you want to wash with bar soap or liquid soap?" Judy picks liquid soap.

Kids want power. When you give them choices within reasonable limits, it's much easier for them to cooperate. The key to making choices work is to only give choices you are willing to accept. Give "real" choices not manipulative ones, such as this: "You can choose to eat your tuna fish sandwich or choose to lose television for the day." That's not an empowering choice. When you allow children some sense of power in their life, even if it's something small, like what color cup they drink from, what bedtime story they hear, or whether they want to do homework before or after dinner, their esteem grows as they enjoy some control over their lives.

* Empower your kids. When you cannot seem to break free from a power struggle, ask yourself, "How can I empower my child in this situation?" Jane argued with Michael about eating junk food. Every time her back was turned, he devoured everything. Jane decided to give Michael power by telling him, "Michael, I bought one box of girl scout cookies. I will not be buying more snacks until next week. You are in charge of how you want to eat your snacks. You can eat them quickly or make them last throughout the week." Michael counted the cookies in the box and made a remarkably sensible plan for snacking. No more power struggle.

* Do the unexpected. Using humor helps to side step power struggles. Breaking out into a foreign accent or cartoon character voice can lighten the mood. When things are getting tense, wave your hand in the air and say, "Lets erase this whole conversation and start over again." Walk out of the room and come back in, starting over on a calmer note. This can be enough to set things back on track.

* Focus on solutions. Power struggles create a win-lose attitude. No one truly wins unless you both win. Teach kids the importance of listening to and considering each person's point of view. Show them how to look for solutions that work for all. You can say to your child, "Lets see if we can come up with some ideas that take both our needs into consideration."

* Disagreements and disrespect are two different things. Do you believe your children should never say "no" to you? Instead of viewing "no" as a sign of disrespect, view it as a disagreement. We encourage our kids to say "no" to drugs and peer pressure. While teaching kids to stand up for themselves, we must realize there will be times they will stand up for themselves with us. The key is to teach kids to show respect during disagreements. When Andy said, "You can't make me eat those peas. Get them off my plate," it didn't go over well with Dad. He sidestepped the power struggle by saying, "Andy, it's easier for me to be helpful to you if you say something like, 'Dad, I would rather not eat peas with dinner.'" Every time you take a respectful approach with your children you model peaceful ways of dealing with disagreements.

By Marilyn Suttle


To Clean or Not To Clean

Before my daughter was born my house was so tidy and immaculate that you could eat off the floor! Dishes were done immediately (no dishwasher here!), the toilet was cleaned every morning and the house was dusted and vacuumed quite frequently. Today? The dishes sit o­n the counter till the next day when I tip-toe to the kitchen before the baby wakes so I can get it cleaned and put away, the house is vacuumed just when it looks like it needs it and the dust sits even now several inches thick upon all my furniture. Oh, and did I mention the toilets are not cleaned every single day??
It is hard keeping a house clean with a toddler running underfoot. Especially o­ne that doesn't like the Big Bad Vacuum Cleaner and starts to cry at the site of it. Well, she's getting better about it now, but still.. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get much done. I find myself sitting down, after the baby has been put down for a nap, and thinking to myself, "I can get the bathroom cleaned, do the dishes, take a nap or read a good book now. Which should I do??" By the time I figure out which o­ne I have the energy to do (or not to do in this case), my daughter wakes up and is ready to go for several more hours! Well, scrap that idea and up I get chasing around after a toddler and playing peek-a-boo. Sometimes, I do choose o­ne of those things and usually it is the nap that I choose to do. So does the house get cleaned? Yah, sometimes. Is it as immaculate as it was before our gem entered our lives? Nope. And you know what? That is just fine!! I treasure each day I have with my daughter and realize that these moments are passing us by so swiftly. It has almost been a year and I can barely remember the day she was born. Everything seems to be going by in such a blur! I truly understand now the phrase "in a blink of an eye"!
There is also a very nice quote that I printed out and put o­n my fridge that I find quite fitting to how things have changed. I would like to share it with you all: "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So hide away cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby 'cause babies don't keep." (author unknown)
Another quote I truly find fitting is this o­ne: "Cleaning house while kids are growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing." (author unknown) I did find myself organizing my daughter's toys. Her dolls go in the basket and everything else in her other basket. Nice and neat! Even the dolls are all sitting upright and smiling at you when you look at the basket. Does it stay that way? No siree! As soon as she wakes up, she tackles her baskets and out comes all her toys. Now that she is toddling around I am finding it hard to contain her mess -uhmm toys, that is- in o­ne room! I hate to admit it, but some nights I just shove it all to o­ne corner and leave it be, knowing full well it will get messed up the next day, so what's the point? The o­nly bad part about not being so careful about picking up all her toys is when you find yourself getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and you step o­n a block. Ouch! So do I organize her toys because of that incident? Uh-uh! I just make sure there is a clear path to the bathroom at all times!! So much for Miss Clean, Neat, and Organized but that's okay! I'd trade that title any day for the title of Mom. Seeing my daughter smile happily each morning when she sees me enter the room lets me know that it's all worth it. Cleaning can wait for another day, week, month or even years. Right now I am going to spend the time I have with my baby girl, the brightest thing in my life thus far.


10 Ways You Can Advocate For Your Child With A Learning Disability

Did you know that you are the most important person in your child's life? Of course you did.

But did you know that parents of children with learning disabilities can also be their child's most effective advocate.

What exactly is an advocate? An advocate is someone who speaks up for someone else, or who acts on behalf of another person. As a parent, you know your child better than anyone else, and you are in the best position to speak for him and act on his behalf.

Here are 10 ways you can do that:

1. Realize from the beginning that advocating for your child takes a lot of time. Advocating involves a great deal of research, meeting time, and communication. That's a given. But the end result will be a successful,responsible, happy young adult who will be able to survive the pitfalls of the real world.

2. Be informed. The more you know about what is going on with your child, the more comfortable you will be in helping others understand him. Here are some ways you can become informed:
a. Read all you can about learning disabilities (especially your child's learning disability).
b. Attend conferences. That's a great way to learn and make contact with other people faced with similar issues.
c. Ask questions - seek answers.
d. Join a support group if there is one available. You can learn a lot from a support group.

3. Become familiar with the rules and regulations that apply to your child's special education program. You request copies of the regulations from your local school district office (the special education office, if your district has one) or from your state Department of Education. If you have difficulty understanding these rules and regulations, don't be afraid to ask the special education director or your child's special education teacher to explain them to you.

4. Work together closely with the professionals who work with your child. This should be done in a positive, cohesive way in order for the child to gain the maximum benefit. Get to know these people - talk with them on a regular basis. Volunteer in the classroom. Don't be afraid to ask for a meeting with the teacher(s) if you see something going on at home that can be helped at school, or vice versa.

5. Keep track of the paperwork that is given to you at the team meetings. This is valuable information that should be kept in an organized place so that you can refer to it easily. If you aren't sure how to do this, talk with the special education director or special education teacher. They have a system to keep the records organized in the office. Perhaps they would share that with you.

6. Don't be afraid to communicate with the professionals. Be prepared when you go to the team meetings, and don't be afraid to calmly and assertively state your views. Take notes into the meeting with you so you won't forget the questions you want to ask or the points you want to make. Remember, the professionals need insight from you as much as you need insight from them. The more communication you have, the more powerful the educational team to help your child.

7. Don't be afraid to ask questions. The field of special education is as complex as your child's needs. Asking questions doesn't mean that you are stupid. It just means that you are interested in your child's education and well- being and want to be an informed parent. You will most likely hear the professionals asking lots of questions as well!!!

8. Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Talk with him about his life both in and outside school. Allow him to express his frustrations, his successes, his disappointments, his hopes, his likes and his dislikes. The better you know your child and what is going on with him, the better you can help other people to work with him.

9. Know your child's strengths and weaknesses and share them with the professionals. Children with learning disabilities, although they have weaker areas, have many strong areas, too. By highlighting these areas, it makes it easier for the professionals to use them as tools to strengthen the weaker skills. It helps them see the child in a more positive light, and it helps them relate to the child. And it helps your child's self-esteem to know that the teachers sees good things in him.

10. Help your child learn to advocate for himself as early as possible. As time goes on, and your child has heard you advocate for him, he will be able to understand how to advocate for himself. If he's heard you say positive things, not only does it increase his self-esteem but it gives him the confidence to speak up for what he needs. Teach him how to communicate how he learns best, what he needs to help him get the most from his classes, and how he feels when confronted with certain issues, such as testing and peer pressure. Give him the power to make his life a success.

You can help your child be able to be a successful, happy, responsible student, well on his way to being the same kind of adult. Advocate for him.

For more plain talk about learning disabilities, please visit us at www.ldperspectives.com.


By Sandy Gauvin


Advocating for Your Child with LD

Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does it mean to you?

Advocating happens when you speak on behalf of someone else. You say for them what they can't say for themselves.

When you have a child who has been diagnosed with a learning disability, this is exactly what you must do for them. You must speak on their behalf. You know your child the best of anybody, and you are the best person to speak for them.

It sounds like a tall order, and it is. It is not always an easy thing to do. I know. I've been there. Even with a college degree and a special education classroom of my own, I often felt "less than" the other members of the PET (Pupil Evaluation Team), the group of teachers and administrators that we met with to determine Michele's program. Sometimes, I felt as if I was being punished for not doing enough for my daughter, since she didn't learn the same way as the other children. Granted, it wasn't the professionals who made me feel that way, it was my own perspective. But, right or wrong, that's the way I felt.

As a teacher of students with LD, I sat through many PET meetings in which parents sat quietly looking down at their hands, feeling painfully inadequate. They didn't feel qualified enough to realize they had anything to add to the proceedings. After all, they were sitting with people who had college degrees and years of experience and training in teaching. Many felt that, for some reason, they were to blame because their child had a learning disability. Others felt that because they had little or no college education, they weren't as smart as the teachers.

That's not true. Parents can add more to the PET meeting than anyone else.

You know your child better than anyone else. You know what works best with them. You are their parent and you know how they think. Those things qualify you to be able to speak on equal footing with anyone else in the PET. If the PET recommends that your child begin his homework right when he gets home from school, but you know that he needs a break to relax, then speak up. If he is really tired by the end of the school day, then the teachers need to know that. If they recommend that your child do homework in total silence, but you know that listening to music helps your child to shut out the rest of the world so they can concentrate better, then tell the team. All of that information helps them to work with your child in school as well. Don't be shy about letting them know what works.

Don't be afraid to stand up for your child. Sometimes, because the child's progress needs to be discussed at the PET, things can sound somewhat negative. It's vital to ask for the good things that are going on with the child as well, and when you disagree with something a PET member says, express your feelings. Your child can't do that for himself - he needs you for you to do that for him.

Your child may not be able to tell others what they need. They may not know, themselves. Or they may not have the language to express their needs. Or, they may feel intimidated to tell adults what is going on with them even if they do know how to express themselves. It is up to you to help the PET understand the needs of your child and to speak up for him or her.

Remember, your child's education affects the rest of his life, and it's in your hands. It is a great responsibility, there's no doubt about it. But you know your child better than anyone else. You are your child's best advocate. You can do it!


By Sandy Gauvin


Beginning the Special Education Process

Like anything else in life, there's a method to the special education process. It was put in place to help people who deal with learning disabilities get the best services possible. In order to help you understand this method, here's a simplified version of the Special Education process. 

1) Request for evaluation

Someone sees that the child is having difficulty in school and asks that testing be done to find out what's causing the problem. This request can come from parents or educators. If the parents make the request, the district must agree to give a full and individual evaluation. If the request is made from someone else, such as a teacher, a team of educators and an administrator will meet to review the reasons and decide whether to pursue testing. No matter who makes the request, you as the parent, must give written permission for this testing to be done. At this point, you will be informed of your rights and those of your child.

If the district decides not to test, then it must let you know that and inform you of your rights. You can continue to pursue the option through a due process hearing if you wish.

2) Results of the testing

You have the right to be notified of the results of the testing before the meeting. If you don't understand what is being said in the report, you have the right to have someone explain the results to you.

When the testing is done, you will meet with the team of professionals to be told of the results. If your child is found to have a learning disability, and you agree that he should receive special education services, then you must give written permission for this to happen.

If he is not found to have a learning disability, you and his teachers will still have valuable information about him and the ways he learns best. 

If you disagree with the results either way, you have the right to have him tested by someone outside the school district. The district must pay for the evaluation or show at a special hearing why it refused.

3) Placement

If you and the school district agree that a learning disability was found, then you and the team will decide the best program for your child. The team will make up an Individualized Education Program (IEP) that will include goals and ways to measure those goals during the year. It will also list the services your child will get and any special aids or helps your child can get, such as special transportation or speech therapy if he needs it.

Your child is entitled to receive his services in the "Least Restrictive Environment. "That means that he will receive the services that are best for him in the place that's best. For example, he won't be placed in the resource room for help with math if he needs help only with reading. He won't be asked to stay in the mainstream for spelling if he has a learning disability in that area. In other words, he will only receive help in things he needs help in.

It's important to be active in this process for your child. If you know the process, you can make sure that it's followed correctly and that your child's rights are recognized. This doesn't mean that you always have to be on the attack, but it does mean that you need to keep a watchful eye. Again, it all comes back to acting on behalf of your child, since he can't do that for himself. And, in the long run, he will be more successful because of you.

For more plain talk about learning disabilities, please visit us at www.ldperspectives.com.


By Sandy Gauvin


Aptitude, Achievement, Processing Deficit - What Does It All Mean?

You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning disabilities. They have been explaining what they will be looking for when they test your child.

"We look for an aptitude-achievement discrepancy as well as a processing deficit," one of them explains.

Your eyes glaze over and you begin to feel you're not too smart. It's like they're speaking another language. You haven't a clue what these people are talking about.

Actually, I've always felt that special education does use a foreign language.

That doesn't, however, mean that you can't learn it. Like any language, after a while, you'll get it.

When you meet with the Pupil Evaluation Team, or the Case Conference Committee, or the Child Study Team, or whatever it's called in your area, you will probably hear the sentence mentioned above.

Let's chop that sentence into pieces:

"We look for an aptitude-achievement discrepancy..."

Your child's aptitude is his ability to learn. When I was in school, we called it an IQ. In order for someone to have a learning disability, he has to have at least average aptitude for learning. In other words, he needs to have the ability to learn as well as any average child of his age.

His achievement refers to how well he is learning, or the extent to which he has received information and mastered certain skills. This may be where problems show up.

The evaluator looks at whether there is a big difference, or discrepancy, between those two scores - aptitude and achievement. Is there a big difference between what he SHOULD HAVE learned and what he really has learned?

Let's say your child has an aptitude of 100, which is exactly average. That means that he should be able to learn things as well as any average student of his age or grade. But let's say that the test found him to be achieving only at a level of 60 in reading. That's 40 points below what he SHOULD BE doing in reading. That's important information.

"...as well as a processing deficit."

The next thing the evaluator looks at is a "processing deficit". The term "processing" refers to the way your child's brain works. Can his brain handle information better through what he sees (visual channel) or through what he hears (auditory channel). Can he remember a list of 4 or 5 things, or does he forget them quickly? How well does he find information he has stored in his head? How quickly can he process information?

A deficit in processing means that he has trouble with one of the ways his brain handles information.

Now, let's put it all together:

"There has to be an aptitude-achievement discrepancy..." The evaluator has found a big gap between your child's ability (100) and his achievement (60) in reading. That tells you that he hasn't learned what he needs to learn in order to be successful in reading.

"...as well as a processing deficit." The evaluator has found that he has a real problem remembering letters and sounds. And what is more necessary in order to learn to read than remembering letters and their sounds?

Now you know that he should be able to read like the other children in his class, but his brain isn't remembering letters and their sounds the way it should. That's what's standing in the way of his being able to read as well as the other children.

Chances are the team will decide that your child has a learning disability in reading and that he is eligible for special education services. He will be able to get extra help from a special teacher. There will be things you can do with him at home to help him as well. He will be able to receive help from people who know what will work best for him and who care enough to give him the skills he needs to be successful in life. 

For more plain talk about learning disabilities, please visit us at www.ldperspectives.com.


By Sandy Gauvin


To Test or Not To Test - That Is the Question

Little Suzy has really been having a hard time getting some of her assignments done. When she reads in class, she struggles with many words, and her mother reported at conference time that Suzy spends hours each night on homework. 

At the same time, Suzy carries on intelligent conversation, and when you ask her about what she learned from the class, she has some good feedback. She is getting excellent grades in math class and, when she does experiments in science class, she knows exactly what to do and gets great results.

You've thought about referring her for testing, wondering if a learning disability is getting in the way of her reading - a skill that underlies everything a child does in school. You know she struggles with reading, yet she does so well orally and mathematically. Should you test her?



Little Johnny can't remember his multiplication facts. Much of the time, he struggles with subtraction facts as well. His reasoning skills for determining whether he should add or subtract, multiply or divide, are faulty. And when he writes a math problem on paper, there are no columns. The numbers are all over the place. He gets very confused with the entire process as well.

But, boy, can he read. He reads books that are way above what the other students in his class read. The words in them are harder, and they are more difficult to understand.

Does he have a learning disability? Should his teacher refer him for testing? 

Do either of these scenarios sound familiar? The decision regarding whether to refer a child for testing can sometimes be a difficult one to make. There are many factors to consider, not the least of which is whether the child perceives a stigma attached to the testing.

As a teacher of students with learning disabilities, teachers often consulted with me when they questioned whether or not to test. After looking at all the facts, if there was still any doubt, I would tell them that I would rather err on the side of caution. If the child is not found to have a learning disability, at least we will discover his learning styles and how best to help him with his problem. If his does have a learning disability, we can proceed to get him the special help he needs to be more successful in school. Either way, he wins.

And who can question a win-win situation?


By Sandy Gauvin


Understanding Why Your Child Has Been Recommended for Testing

You have just received a call from your child's teacher explaining that she has noticed your child having difficulty in school. Your child is not understanding math or reading the way the other children do. So she would like your permission to proceed with testing to find out if he has a learning disability.

When this happens, it is always a good idea to meet with the teacher in person. Being proactive is extremely important to your child's educational future. Arrange to sit down and talk with the teacher to discover specifically why she has recommended this. You may want to include the special education teacher as well, as she may be able to further clarify just what they are seeing that is causing them to question your child's abilities.

One thing you have to understand is that just because a learning disability is questioned, that does not mean that your child isn't smart. It just means that, for some reason, he's either not able to access those smarts and is not "getting" what is being taught. Or, he may be having difficulty expressing what he has actually learned.

One indication that there is a problem might be that the child gets very good grades in math, but his reading is below average. He is not reading at the same level that most of the other students of his age are reading at. There is a big difference between his learning in math and his learning in reading. If he is old enough, there may be standardized test scores that also show that huge difference, and the teacher should be able to show you that information.

You may have noticed other indications at home but thought they were just "kid things". If you ask your child to do 2 or 3 things in a row, does he forget most of them? When you ask him a question, does he have difficulty expressing the answer? Is his room always disorganized? Does he have trouble socially?

These are some of the questions you might want to think about as you talk with the teacher and ask if she notices them in the classroom. 

It is important you realize that by doing this, you are not putting your child down or complaining about him or labeling him as a "bad kid". You are discussing the facts of what is actually going on, or not going on, with his learning. You are acting in his best interest.

Do not hesitate to ask questions about anything you don't understand. The teachers will not think that you are stupid or inadequate The area of Learning Disabilities can be very confusing and overwhelming to anyone. It is best that you understand what is going on right from the beginning.

When the teachers have explained the symptoms to your satisfaction, then it is time to find out what will happen from here. Ask specific questions about the testing, how best to address your child's concerns and how to minimize any "stigma" your child might experience as a result of being tested.

Remember, you are the parent. And everyone is here to help your child.

For more up-to-date plain talk about learning disabilities, please visit us at www.ldperspectives.com. 



By Sandy Gauvin


So, My Child Has Been Recommended for Testing - What Do I Do Now?

You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As your blood pounds in your ears, you hear her explain how she has noticed your child having difficulty with some academic subject in school. Your child is not understanding math or reading the way the other children do. So she would like your permission to proceed with testing to find out what exactly is causing the problem.

So what do you do next?

The first thing is, Don't panic. This referral for testing simply means that she's asking for your permission to find out whether a learning disability is evident, or, if not, how she can help your child. She wants to know 1) how your child learns best, 2) where the child's learning strengths are, and 3) where his learning weakeness lie. This does NOT mean she thinks your child is stupid or that you are a bad parent. She sees that your child does very well in many areas of learning, but there are one or two areas that are really just not "clicking".

When your child is referred, it's always a good idea to meet with the teacher in person. Arrange to sit down and talk with the teacher to discover specifically why she has recommended an evaluation. What is she seeing that causes concern? Can she show you some samples of your child's work that illustrate the problem? It's a good idea to include the special education teacher in the meeting as well. She will be able to further clarify why these indicators are cause for concern. She can also explain the referral and evaluation process to you.

One indication that there is a problem might be that the child gets very good grades in math, but his reading achievement is below average for his age or grade. He is not reading at the same level that most of the other students of his age are reading at. There is a big difference between his learning in math and his learning in reading. If he is old enough, there may be standardized test scores that also show a huge difference. Ask the teacher to show you that information.

You may have noticed other indications at home, but thought they were just "kid things". If you ask your child to do 2 or 3 things in a row, does he forget much of your instruction? When you ask him a question, does he have difficulty expressing the answer? Are his room, his book bag, or his locker always disorganized, making it difficult for him to find things? Does he lose his assignment book or his homework frequently? Does he have trouble socially? Does he have trouble paying attention? What does the teacher see at school? Ask her.

Realize that when you talk about these things with the teacher, it does not mean that you are complaining about your child, or that you think he is "bad". What you're really doing is discussing the facts of what is actually going on, or not going on, with his learning. You're trying to help him. You're acting in his best interest.

Don't hesitate to ask questions about anything you don't understand. The teachers will not think you are stupid or inadequate. The area of Learning Disabilities can be very confusing and overwhelming to anyone, and it is best that you understand what is going on right from the beginning. That way you can make an intelligent decision regarding your child's future.

It is important to find out what will happen once you give permission to have your child tested. The special education teacher will be able to explain the referral and testing process to you. Use her as a resource to answer any questions you might have and explain anything you don't understand. That way you can be informed and help your child through the process as well.

Know your child's rights from the beginning. When the process begins, you will be sent a copy of your child's rights. If you don't understand them, or if you suspect that a right is being compromised, don't hesitate to speak to the special education teacher, the principal, or the special education director.

These are things you can do to help your child and yourself through the referral process. They are all part of being informed so you can advocate for your child, and so you can make sure he receives the best services possible in order for him to have a successful, happy, productive future. Remember, it's in your hands!



By Sandy Gauvin


Strengths and Weaknesses

All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through their weaknesses.

Like anyone else, however, they have many strengths. It is of the greatest importance to focus on the strengths that your child has and show them to other people. It will not only to help others who are involved in her life understand her better, but it will help the child herself know that she is loved and valued for who she is.

I always found that one of my biggest questions was, "How do I see all of my daughter's strengths, in addition to her weaknesses, so I can get a picture of her as a total person?" The answer lies in what is called 'quality time.'"

Here are some important way is to spend quality time with your child. 

1) Do things with her. What activities do you both like? Do things with her that she likes to do, and ask her to do things that you like to do.

2) Go places with her. You don't have to travel far. Just go outside, or downtown, or to the mall, or to a movie.

3) Sit quietly with her. Silence says a lot.

4) Hear her when she speaks. Don't just listen - hear what she has to say.

5) Listen to and try to understand her frustrations. 

6) Talk with her to find out about her likes and dislikes.

7) Know what is going on with her outside the home. Allow her to talk about it without being judgemental.

8) Provide a safe, understanding atmosphere that allows her to express her feelings and preferences.

9) Provide positive feedback when she talks about the good things she does.

10)Provide a structure that allows her to make mistakes and learn from them.

Allowing your child to have friends play with her at home can give great insight into your child's strengths and weaknesses. When we allowed Michele to have friends over, we could see that she was a great organizer of creative activities and was very social, but we also saw that she got very defensive at times. Having this information allowed us to know what to help her with. We also communicated this information to her teachers, so we could all work together on this issue.

Providing an opportunity for positive, open communication with her teachers and the other professionals that work with her allow you to get a picture of her strengths and we. There may be times when there will be disagreement, but these issues can always be worked out. Listen to the opinions of the others on the team. And don't be afraid to add your viewpoints. It is only through this honest, open communication that you will be able to see the total picture of your child's strengths and weaknesses.

To get a good picture of her academic strengths and weaknesses, the school is the place to go. As your child's parent, you are entitled to have access to her records at school. You have probably received copies of that information, but you do have the right to view what is in her records in the school office. Past and current report cards give you some information, as do any notes, reports, etc., that have been written by her teachers. The results of special education testing are also great indicators of what she does easily and what she struggles with. All this information should be in her school file. If you don't understand what those results or reports are trying to say, talk with the special education professionals who do understand it. 

Remember, your child is not just a partial person. She is not just made up of weaknesses. She is a whole person. Her strengths are a large part of her. 

Value her strengths; work with her on her weaknesses. But you can't do either of these things unless you know what they are. Take charge. Find out.



By Sandy Gauvin


Alias: Aptitude

Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get the results of the special education testing on your child. There is a lot of "stuff" on that report! And much of it sounds like a foreign language to many people.

You get one piece the results from the Intelligence part of the test. This is extremely important information, but know that it will most likely come in disguise.

One of its disguises, or aliases, might be "Broad Cognitive Ability". Another may be "Aptitude." But, basically, they are measures of the same thing - your child's ability to process and learn information. So, for the sake of keeping things simple, let's just call it "aptitude."

As I've stated many times, in order for a child to be considered learning disabled, he has to show an average "aptitude" for learning. He must have the same ability to learn as well as any other child of his age or grade. An average aptitude score would be about 100, with anything between 85 and 115 being in the average range.

There are many different tests that measure a child's aptitude. One of these tests is the WISC-III. The Performance, or Perceptual Organization, section is the part that measures aptitude. It is divided into subtests, or smaller tests, and they assess different things that make up a person's aptitude.

Another common test used to measure aptitude is the Woodcock-Johnson Psychoeducational Battery - Revised. The aptitude section of this test is called the Tests of Cognitive Ability, and the overall aptitude score is called "Broad Cognitive Ability". It also has smaller tests called subtests, to measure aptitude, but they measure aptitude in a little different way than the WISC does.

There are other tests to determine your child's aptitude that don't involve reading or writing. Sometimes these tests are given if there is a language problem that might interfere with getting a true picture of the child's ability.

The important things to remember are that 1) you will probably see a score from one of these tests on your child's report, and 2) that score should be within the range of 85 to 115, for the most part.

The information you get from these scores will also tell you what the child is having difficulty with. For example, perhaps he has difficulty remembering what he sees. Perhaps he can't remember more than 1 or 2 directions at a time. Perhaps he can't process new information as fast as other children. These are important clues to letting you and the teachers know what to work on with your child and how to best help him.

When you get this information, the next thing that will happen is that this "aptitude" score will be compared with the child's "achievement" score.

His achievement score is a measure of what he knows and what he has learned. These will be his scores in things like reading, written language, and math. In order for your child to show a learning disability, there has to be a large gap between his "aptitude" score (his ability to process information and learn) and what he has actually learned.

In other words, the report is showing that, although the child is able to learn as well as anyone else of his age or grade, something is causing this to not happen the way it should.

Why is that happening? When the pieces of the evaluation are put together, it should provide information about why your child is not learning the way the other children are. It will provide clues to you and his teachers about how to help him in the best way possible and how to help him help himself.



By Sandy Gauvin


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